So after yesterday’s blog post and that overwhelming sense of emptiness, I also messaged a friend and my young adult Pastor; didn’t mean to scare my pastor btw, he thought I was pregnant when I was referring to a friend’s pregnancy.
Anyways, my friend replied me with Matthew 6:25-34, the parable where Jesus was saying how God takes care of the birds, and flowers etc, what more will he take care of you.
Then verse 30 caught my eye, cause it described so perfectly my feeling. It said something along the lines of God makes the grass so beautiful, which is here today, but can be gone in a fire or whatever disaster tomorrow, what more will he take care of you — you of little faith. This felt similar to how I feel: how was I supposed to understand death, joy, beginning of new life all in 1 week?
That part on the you of little faith was like a rebuke to me. Cause there was a moment when I doubted if God truly cared about me. If I was or wanted to declare he is sovereign over everything in my life, did I actually mean that or am I paying lip service? Did I fully appreciate that? I had a tiny thought that was like “You went through all of that emotions in a week , you are a mere speck in the world that has billions of people. Sure God will take care of you?”
After clearing more of my overdue work, since I was sick last week and did not really work, I went back to my room and decided to listen to my youtube playlist of worship songs. Song after song reminded me of God’s goodness, his love, his sovereignty, his glory.
Then I proceeded with quiet time, and wrote a pretty honest prayer to God. (I have a QT journal, so that I can track my spiritual walk with God.) I mean no point lying when God knows everything right?
In that quiet tine and worship with God, I felt peace again, I feel like my soul finally rested in God, I felt comforted in his love. I mean people can say oh it’s just a feel good moment, you are making this up, but really it is amazing to feel so calm and pure hoy again. I cannot describe the peace that God provides.
Recently when I feel troubled or whatever, I realise I cannot rely on my usual playlist of pop songs to cheer me up. I would still be brooding over it recently I have been relying more on my worship songs, and I have found peace.
Anyways to end of this post, I took a photo of my current knitting project. It is a blanket for my friend. You know sometimes we knitters like to show the good beautiful side of our knitting, we rarely show the back or like the behind the scenes of our projects. Who wants to see incomplete work, or loose ends?
So I took a picture of the front and another picture of the back where the loose ends can be seen. I think the back picture really show how everything is a work in progress, like our lives. God is constantly moulding us, transforming us, but while people only see the front or appearances we have, they really don’t know how much effort God has put in to transform us for the better behind the scenes. 🙂